|Jia encouraged us to share a picture we |
weren't proud of. This definitely qualifies.
My "awkward" years were unkind.
I’m in fourth grade and wear my brand new (and totally rad) hot pink glasses to my school holiday concert for the first time. The boys behind me laugh their heads off and call me four eyes. A boy a year older than me tells me I even LOOK like a bookworm now. Suddenly I don’t feel so cool.
I’m in fifth grade. Two boys from my class follow me all the way home, taunting me and making crude and revolting comments regarding me and another boy in our class - whom I hate. I am mortified - I’ve never even heard some of the phrases they use. I cry all the way home.
|I went through ups and downs. |
This was taken at my BF's wedding,
right before a was engaged
the first time, and I felt pretty good.
As a Theatre Major, I spent a lot of time
looking like this. Crazy hats,
lots of makeup, arms around good friends,
big smiles, hard work.
|Me and the LOVE OF MY LIFE. On the day we got engaged. |
I am blissfully happy here. Are my self-esteem problems
over now that I have everything I've always wanted?
NO. But at least he's by my side.
- Do things I love. I love to act. I miss this. Right now, it’s not really a viable option in my life, but I can keep it alive by watching live theatre or reading plays. I love to write. Ever since I was in second grade. When I felt I’d lost my flair for writing I started blogging. I love my blog. I love to create. This is why I craft, sew, paint, sing. And why my blog is what it is. I try to make all of these hobbies and loves as much a part of my life as possible (while juggling other duties, of course. Like dishes. What am I saying... we all know there’s been a huge pile of dishes up in the sink since Monday.)
- Be around people I love. I know this seems like common sense, but often we accept subpar friendships or acquaintanceships for a number of reasons - proximity, lack of options, guilt, feeling unworthy of anything better... blah, blah... But the real point is that I need to separate myself from negativity and surround myself with the positive. I’m lucky to have a supportive family and a few loving friends.
- Be open (with hubby) about everything. Everyone needs someone to talk to. Someone to keep them in check. Someone to offer advice. Someone to say, “Hey, you aren’t allowed to say things like that about yourself in this house.” (which comes out of my hubby’s mouth at least once a month). Someone to just listen. Because they care. Hubby, Mom, friend, counselor... it doesn’t matter who. Being open just helps.
- Allow myself to feel. Even if that means crying. Even if that means crying three days in a row. Even if it means being enraged. Or going out into the garage to scream in order to avoid screaming at the kids. I used to be picked on a lot for my emotional nature. Now I embrace it. And I don’t care who sees it. I consider it one of my strengths. Not everyone can allow themselves to cry in front of a huge room of people. But I sure can.
- Keep busy. I feel utterly awful with myself on the days I am unproductive. In any capacity. I must get some cleaning done, some playing with the kids done, some time with the hubby done, something creative done, EVERY DAY. If I laze on the couch all day, I feel horrendous. Like a beast. Even my husband can tell when I’ve had a lazy day. Not that I never relax. That would be silly.
- On the same note, clean. Organize. Me, my house, all of it. You know how they say that a clean house is a happy house? Ok, I don’t know who actually says that except for maybe June Cleaver, but I can attest that it’s true. Not because my house is clean. Just the opposite, actually. And while we are happy as a family even with a messy house, I can tell you that the state of my psyche directly correlates to the level of disorganization around me. And as for the me part, well who DOESN’T feel better after a shower?
- Drink lots of Pepsi. Ok, no, it doesn’t really help with my self-esteem. Actually, it’s probably part of the issue since it contributes to my weight gain. But some days you just need one. Right? Let's not beat ourselves up over that.
- Make fun of myself. I know, I know. If done in excess this is unhealthy, and actually pretty annoying. But there’s nothing wrong with a bit of self-deprecation as long as it’s funny, right? Besides, we all need to be able to laugh at our mistakes and then carry on.
- Most importantly, remember that there are people who care about me. Not the weird built up me in my head, but ME. I have to remind myself of this. I have to remind myself all the time that there are some people who really know me - and they love me in spite of it. (Or because of it?)
- Pray. I know that not everyone is a religious type. I know we are all at various stages with our faith or spirituality. But this is what has worked for me. Through prayer, I’ve been able to feel Heavenly Father’s love for me, and that has helped me more than anything. Through prayer, I’ve been able to catch glimpses of the way Heavenly Father sees me. And THAT is simply miraculous. Through prayer I’ve been able to gain strength. Because whatever I am lacking, the Lord will make up for. I know, I know. It’s not a belief that’s common to us all, but it’s one that buoys me up when nothing else will.
*Be sure to check below for all the fun parties I link to!