Wednesday, January 26, 2011

How to Totally and Completely Botch Even the Simplest Blog Tutorial on the Web.

This is not a recent project.  This is a project that was never going to see the light of day.  This is a project that I wanted to hide forever - big fat failure and all.  BUT, in light of the “Sew and Tell” challenge going on over at “A Craft A Day” (Check out that little button on my Inspiration Board over there for more info...) I came to the eventual decision of full disclosure.  And in full disclosure, I will admit to you that this project is actually months (and months) old (See, I tried to hide it away...) I mainly disclose this because there is no way I could lie about it, based on the below pictures.  Why?  Well, 1) mini now has hair and 2) There is at least four feet of snow all over the ground with such frigid temperatures there’s no way she’d be out galavanting without a parka on.  So now you know.  This took place in September.
Now, on with the tutorial, which I have entitled, “How to Totally and Completely Botch Even the Simplest Blog Tutorial on the Web.”
You will need:
a computer (to first find the tutorial and then promptly ignore it)
Lots (and lots) of “impatience”
Quite a bit of “overestimating your abilities”
A somewhat poor memory
If you are awesome at sewing, this tutorial is probably not for you.
First, see a super-dee-duper cute tutorial for sewing on one of your favorite blogs.  For my example, I will be using the Circle Skirt Tutorial from Made.  
Next, skim through the tutorial and think to yourself, “Wow!  That looks so easy even I couldn’t mess it up!”  
Tip:  This should be the moment that you become weary.  But, since you are using quite a bit of “Overestimating your ability” in this tutorial, you will either ignore the doubt or become completely and blissfully unaware of it.
Get distracted by children waking up cranky from naps.
(Yes, this is an essential part of the process.  Though, if you don’t have small children, other distractions could be substituted.  Like the oven timer going off, or the door bell ringing, or the cat throwing up, OR - as in my case - ALL OF THE ABOVE.)
Go to your crafting/sewing area hours later and think to yourself, “Hey, I should try out that circle skirt.  That was cute.”
Realize that in order to review the tutorial, you would first have to wait for your husband to get off of the computer.
Here’s where the “impatience” comes in.  Become very impatient.
Decide that skimming the tutorial was enough to do what needs to be done.
Lay out your fabric.
Remember there was some kind of mathematic equation that Dana laid out in the tutorial for measuring and cutting and some way you were supposed to fold the fabric so it was easier to do.  
It probably wasn’t essential to the success of the skirt.  You can measure and draw a circle - all you need is a marker and a string!  Easy.  Besides, you never liked math, anyway.  
See?  More impatience.
Follow the “tutorial” laid out in your “somewhat poor memory.”
Ta-da!  You have officially botched up even an EASY tutorial!

Oh, you can't tell, you say?  Really?

How about this:

And this:

Oh, heavens.
By the way.  Here’s another tip.  It may benefit you in the long run to make ONE right choice throughout the process.  For instance, I chose to use fabric that I had mistakenly felted in the wash.  That mistake turned out to my advantage because I didn’t need to hem the horrible skirt after it was obvious I had completely botched the whole project anyway.
Amazingly, from this angle, it doesn’t look so horrible.

To make it wearable, I flip the elastic to the inside, so most of it is hanging down on the inside and only a small part of it (the part that is underneath that HORRIBLE, UNEVEN stitch) is actually visible - flipped up instead of down.  Then you can’t see that stitch at all.  The only downside to this is that you can see the unfinished spot where the ends of the elastic are sewn together.
Good thing she’s so cute, people don’t really notice.
Why am I sharing this with you after so many months of trying to hide it away?  Well, as I mentioned, Deidre, from A Craft A Day is having a Sew and Tell Challenge - in which you sew an outfit using only items that are thrifted or from your stash (or in my case, both).  I was going to make something for bug, but then I realized that I wanted to conquer this circle skirt once and for all.  AND furthermore, I wanted to do it for myself.  That’s right.  I’m attempting this big fat fail again.  I’m sewing for me.
And this time, I printed out the tutorial and brought a calculator.
Because I don’t want to end up feeling like this about my skirt:

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The Incredible Shrinking Woman said...

This was the best botched tutorial I have ever read about. You WIN!!!! LOL
And it sounds like something I could pull off (aka botch up) quite nicely!

~Beth D. said...

fun to read! thanks! I'm pretty sure that I have NO EVIDENCE of my botched up projects! But maybe it would be fun to take some pics!

Unknown said...

Oh my gosh! I am cracking up at your post? Why? Because that is totally something I would do! Sewing an md I don't get along very well :) we try occasionally but it almost always ends in a big fat fail!

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Carrie said...

You had me roaring! But it is still cute in my book;)

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