Why I Will Never Be Taking My Own Family Photos EVER Again. Ever.

The other day I forced my family out to a derelict brick shed next to some train tracks so we could take family photos.  There was a reason - I don't submit to torture willingly or any more often than absolutely necessary, I mean, I'm not WEIRD.  (I am a little weird.)

But, honestly, with this family you'd think I told them we were all going to a group rate on root canals with a little paper cut and lemon juice thrown in.

Apparently family photos aren't really fun?  Or something? 

I happen to be just a little OCD when it comes to certain things.  Like making my yarn pom poms completely even all the way around, or lining our sheets up completely straight on the bed before we fall asleep or closing all the open doors when I'm in a room.  And photos.  I'm a firm believer that all things should "go" together when taking photos.  I mean the clothes, the props, the background... not MATCH.  I do NOT like matchy matchy when it comes to family pictures especially - I like coordinating colors and patterns, balance, and a combination of styles that creates a cohesive themed look.  Or something like that.

All of that explanation to let you know that I was a little... uh, what's the word?... anxious stressed CRAZED the evening we took these.  I needed the right clothes for everyone, the right props, the right camera stuff, an extra battery, etc, etc, etc.  So Pip didn't get a nap.  Bug was completely against the whole idea. Mini was only in it for the promised ice cream at the end, mr had to be somewhere else in an hour...

So, basically, the PERFECT time for me to be taking our own family photos.  Can I just lay something out here right now?  There IS no perfect time for me to be taking our own family photos.  Maybe someone out there can do it.  But this lady?  No.  Nope.  Uh-uh.  And I'll probably try like 5 more times anyway before I give up.

This is not my favorite.  But it IS the ONLY one where we are all looking at the camera with somewhat normal looks upon our faces.  Did you hear that?  The ONLY ONE.  Out of - wait for it - 300.  300 photos I took with my super awesome camera I love and the remote I got myself and we got ONE PHOTO where we are all basically on the same page.  

I blame myself entirely.  I should have put it off until the baby had slept.  And ate.  And was in a happier mood.  But I was "on a deadline" with these, so we went.

After sorting through 300 photos and deleting most of them, I narrowed them down to the ones worth editing.  And the ones you see here are the best of the bunch.  Never mind that Zoe is literally voguing in every. single. one.

This one's the mr's favorite.  It's definitely one of the cuter ones - we seem all carefree don't we?  Too bad Pip's glaring and squirming while the rest of us appear to be having fun...

And call me crazy, but this one is my favorite.  It's just silly.  And Ax has something sort of resembling a silly face, near smile, so I like that.

I'm not sure if this is too "gap advertisement" or not.  I just can't decide.

Also, Ax is obviously making a gagging motion, implying that these family photos are THE WORST.

But I didn't let the sun blinding us (causing all the squinting and mooshed up faces) or the bad attitudes or the screaming baby stop me!  No siree!  I insisted on attempting a few solo shots of the kids...

 in which the baby played with junk,

 became completely traumatized and forever afraid of wagons, 

 finally sort of smiled, due to the presence of a ball - his favorite thing -

 and eventually took off down the tracks.

 See ya.

Not to be outdone, this kid

 refused to smile normally.

 Because nothing I could say was goofy enough.

 But this look is much more naturally him anyway.

 I'd like to add that the wagon was a thrift store treasure I picked up THAT DAY for only $10.  We've never owned a wagon...
I briefly toyed with the idea of spray painting it a fun, bright modern color...
and then snapped to my senses.  Cover up all that vintage charm??  What was the point of buying an old wagon then??  I think I made the right decision.

Zoe thought she was on stage or something.  She quickly channeled her inner diva and started popping out poses I had nothing to do with.

And even though this isn't a true smile, I love her crazy wild hair in this one.

And I caught her true smile here anyway.

She may ham it up, but she can't take a bad photo to save her life.

 I couldn't for the life of me get a photo of them all together smiling, looking at the camera, or being photogenic at all, so I just snapped a couple as they walked.

Which are cute and true to life, so I love that aspect.

 And all of those?  Are the awesome ones.  You want to see the outtakes?  Trust me, you do.  For real.

 So.  Justin's in pain, Zoe looks insane, Ezra can't even open his eyes, and Axel is screaming his head off.  Super.

 So, maybe some kisses will help?  And Zoe is adorable.  Adorable.  Too bad the rest of us are less than stellar.

Nope.  Kisses didn't help.  Setting him down maybe?

 How about some silly faces??  Wait.  I think it worked.  He's not screaming!

 This one is ALMOST good.  Almost.  Except for a certain 7 yr old and his crazy face.

 And we were so close!  So close!  I love this one!  If only... I know a certain 18 month old who was determined to ruin every photo.

 I can't tell you how much I love Zoe's face.  Justin hates this photo though.  
You know what the problem is with taking these photos yourself?  When you're in front of the camera, you can't see any of those little quirky things you'd correct if you were looking through the viewfinder.  You know, the "put your chin down, stand still, don't be silly, look up, put her hands down, smile, don't smile", things.

 This idea is very cute.  In theory.  Except Axel hates wagons.  This is literally the only photo in which he isn't frantically trying to climb out of the wagon while yelling in terror at the top of his lungs.

 All in all, it wasn't the positive experience I'd hoped it would be.  We did get some cute photos I'm hoping to hang in a gallery type style.  And they are more real than perfectly posed and smiling children.  I'd rather have these silly, crazy, full of personality cheeky little hooligans.  

Still.  Next time I will for sure be asking someone else to push the button. 

Adios.

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