Confession: I am NOT a spray painting pro. I wish I was. I generally love the idea of spray paint. The fun colors, the ease of application, the time commitment, the smell... no, kidding, I don't love that. Seriously. I've almost asphyxiated my family and a duo of missionaries. I don't love the smell. But all in all, the theory is great.
It's the application of the theory that gives me issues. I must be spray paint challenged, because I swear every time I attempt a spray paint project, I find myself asking, "Why??? Why, dear Heavens, WHY???" Or something like that. I paraphrase.
In reference, I will direct you here. But I don't really want you to go there. It's pretty much the most embarrassing thing ever posted. Or wait, maybe this is. Or possibly this. Huh. Take your pick - there are a lot. And I don't want you to see any of them. But, really, the most applicable allusion in this circumstance is this.
Oh, the horror.
Now that I've relived that nightmare, back to the present. Spray paint. A love/hate relationship. I love it in general principle. I hate it in real life. First of all, it's almost always too cold here to spray paint. You think I kid, but it's mostly true. I have a good 5 months of spray painting time out of 12. That's less than half. Which is why our garage becomes one giant paint booth in the summer. Second of all, I cannot be sure, but I BELIEVE that the cans are conspiring against me. I've developed something of a reputation among the cans on the shelf, and I don't think it's just paranoia. I can almost hear them whispering amongst themselves as I walk the aisle, searching for that perfect shade... "Did you see? She's here again. Didn't learn her lesson with the Ivy Green and bookshelf fiasco, obviously..." "Oh, no, no. That was two projects ago, didn't you hear? She also chemically melted some cheap styrofoam with Spray Primer and after that there was the Gold Leaf debacle..." "titter, titter!" "Heeheehee!"
Stupid canisters. They've formed a pact against me. Most of them fall back on the "gross, peeling crackled" weirdness as they dry, but there are a few cans that try the "dripping all over, even against gravity" thing. And both suck. Seriously. Make me want to scream.
I know a lot of it can be blamed on a) spraying at the wrong temperature. Because let's face it, sometimes I just can't wait for it to get up to 52 degrees. b) over-application - in other words, IMPATIENCE. Followed by a good thick coat. or c) the universal law of "Kim must fail." (What, you didn't learn that one in Physics? It's right after Inertia, I think).
All of this to let you know, that I can, just this once, gloat. I have - for one project only - conquered spray paint.
I bring you: the cupboard.
It was pretty gross. BUT, this baby? It was $5 at the thrift store on half price day! Five dolla. Yep. So I saw past its grossness and snatched it.
Then I stared at it as it sat in my garage for months. And months. Finally, I ripped off all the hardware, broke out the electric sander and went to town. It looked a lot better already. But I was determined to paint it.
I got out the primer. I held my breath. (for luck, not because of the fumes). And I did it. I primed that baby. Inside and out. I even patiently waited for it to dry.
Then I got out the bright white in satin finish. Emboldened by my success with the primer, I sprayed it down. And it worked. One coat. Waited. Two coats. Waited. Three coats... and it was white.
And it was boring. So... I grabbed some paint I'd bought for the bathroom vanity bug ruined and some other paint I bought to finish the walls in his room, mixed them together, and painted the inside of the doors and the indented areas on the drawer. Then, I couldn't stop... so I painted the inside of the doors, the shelves and the inside of the drawer.
Ah... much better!
Wait. There's no hardware. I forgot about the hardware I spray painted. Where did I put that???
I found said hardware rolled up in a drop cloth, discarded and forgotten about - obviously before it had dried. Awesome.
I did NOT panic. I remembered some wooden knobs I'd bought (like 2 years ago for some project or other). I set them up in this highly technical fashion on a noodle I cut in half. I primed them.
And for a pop of color, I painted them YELLOW! With spray paint, by the way. When they were dry I sprayed them with clear protective enamel. Look how shiny!
And so, it is with just a touch of pride that I unveil my cute little $5 cupboard. This baby is going down in my craft (air-quotes) "room"** to replace a particularly horrid dresser I'm currently using. Although it's so cute now I'd rather have it in my kitchen.